Most of us strive to be “high performers” in the domains of life that we care about the most. If being a parent is your most cherished role, you may find yourself losing sleep about the time you yelled at your tantruming child to punish yourself for losing your composure.  If you’ve invested immensely in your education, you may do whatever it takes to earn straight As on your transcript, even if that means sacrificing your sleep, meals, and precious time with family and friends. It is so natural for us to want to feel safe, seen, and valued in the parts of our lives that matter the most. 

For some, our drive to excel can produce rigid, fixated, even compulsive behaviors which may impair our relationships, careers, or our ability to just rest and relax. Elements of late-stage capitalism in our culture only serve to exacerbate our obsession with perfection. Many of us work in industries that emphasize productivity and communicate, implicitly or explicitly, that workers are easily replaceable. We absorb social media content that engenders unrealistic, unattainable expectations for our bodies, homes, and relationships, often to sell us a product or service. 

I work with clients who experience perfectionism in many domains, including work/school, body image, and relationships (e.g., need to be the perfect spouse, daughter, or parent). Together, we get curious together about the origin and function of perfectionistic behavior. Who did you need to be perfect for? How did perfectionism help you before, and how is it hurting you now? From there, we may explore what it would be like to let go of your perfectionism, or be a bit more discerning about when we apply it. Finally, we may explore the parts of you, apart from your high achievement, that make you worthy of love and care.